D’Australie Avec Amour: Une Journée à la Plage.

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Jan 28. -25 degrees c (-13 degrees f). I’m in a cab, no coat, my heart is beating. I’m leaving Montreal for Melbourne, Australia in 3 hours and I’ll be gone for at least 6 months, maybe more.

Montreal →Toronto

Toronto → Vancouver

Vancouver → Sydney


36 hours later, and I arrive to a temperature of 35 degrees Celsius (95 degrees Fahrenheit). I feel like I’m on drugs because of the jet lag. I can’t believe that I will never see January 29, 2013. EVER. That’s weird. Australia is so far.

Melbourne or “Mel Burn”–the way they pronounce it is A-fucking-mazing. I can’t believe that I’m here today, and I owe it all to too many Jameson shots. For once, something good came out of too much Jameson.

Here’s the story, in September 2011, I met a guy from New Zealand while I was working at Saint Elisabeth, a bar in downtown Montreal… many shots later, he said:

“Hey! you should come to Australia. I’m moving there. I’m sure you would like it.”

Then I said:

” Yayyy! Why not? I always wanted to go.”

Back then, every time it was a Jameson type of night, I would tell everyone that I will be going to Australia soon… every time! So I had no choice but to go. Good thing in a way. So, here I am, alone in Melbourne with no friends.

Just kidding, I made friends. People are just crazy nice here. When something is good, they say it’s “lovely” or it’s “beau-ti-ful,” with a welcoming smile. They also say “no worries” all the time.

I like it here. Even if it’s strange because everything is on the other side.

Courtesy of Sébastien Lamothe.

Courtesy of Sébastien Lamothe.


They drive on the other side here. At first I thought, “Yea, yea, I’ll get use to it. But DAMN it’s hard. When your tiny brain is trained to do everything on the right side, even crossing the street is hard. We are so use to look from Right to left, not left to right. I can’t count how many times a car almost ran me over.

Same thing when you walk on the street. Americans walk slowly on the right side and fast to the left. Not here. So what happens? Well, I’m always stuck in front of a person doing this weird dance right left, left right, right left. Just waiting for the Tram (they have tram) was weird at first because I was never on the right side.

Well, Quiet Lunch readers, I’ll be in Melbourne for a while, so I’ll be sharing with you my stories along with all the great spots to go to. Until then, here some stuff you need to know about Australia:

  • When people want hot weather they go North.

  • Ketchup is called tomato sauce.

  • People love to be barefoot. It’s allowed everywhere, restaurants, parks ,shop, grocery stores, streets, you name it.

  • No tips in restaurants because the salary is about $22/hour for waiters and bartenders. (But travelers/immigrants get less because they love to fuck us.)

Written by Anik Boucher.↓

Anik Boucher (n.): jetsetter, French spitfire. (Courtesy of Sébastien Lamothe.)

Anik Boucher (n.): jetsetter, French spitfire. (Courtesy of Sébastien Lamothe.)

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